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519-829-4149

519-829-4149

There is a new-age truism: “I am not responsible for others reactions or triggers”

This is often used to justify or defend one person’s effect on another.

It is true that we cannot make anyone feel a particular way. The way they react to what we do is their choice. The emotion that is triggered by our behaviour and how they express it is their responsibility.

However, this truism is often used an excuse to act in a non-compassionate way to another’s pain. “Yes I said that you were being too sensitive but you were the one that decided to be hurt by this remark. I am not responsible for your feelings”.

However if we are in relationship with another it behooves us to be sensitive to their triggers.

If we are in relationship with someone who has grown up with a verbally abusive parent it will not bring our partner closer to us to have anger and emotional charge in our communication.

For the sake of building the relationship it may be necessary for a partner to be mindful of the way they relate to one with a history of verbal abusive until they can heal this wound in themselves with their own personal work.

Those people who live from the truism “I am not responsible for your feelings” and use this as a defense to act in insensitive ways to others invariably find themselves without any close relationships.

Russell Scott

 

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